I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
