I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
