oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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