whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
