I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
