YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
