note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
