Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
