Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
