so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
