If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
