He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
