2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
