I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
