Your face is a jimmy john
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
