just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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