Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
