I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Randomize
