ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
