hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
