as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
