dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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