Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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