Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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