Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
