I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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