so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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