great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
