i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
