and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
