He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
