I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
