please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
As shirtless as possible
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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