How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
