you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
