Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Drunk is not a location!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
