good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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