operation have a gay friend backfired
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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