Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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