holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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