Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
