I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
