and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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