i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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