"it" just moved
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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