Barsexuality is the new black.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
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