I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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