Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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