It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
