Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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