I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
