carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
