It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
