goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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