Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
