Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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