before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
