Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
