k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize