She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
