i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
