i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
