RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
