Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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