i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
