she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
