it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i think i have herpe
just one?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
