It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
