Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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