i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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