DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
