dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
