I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
