Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
