it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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