what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
