I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
