Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
