If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
