I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
