This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
