If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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