it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
