Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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