dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
