I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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