Say something about gay babies.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
