Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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