I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
