capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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